They say that the worst thing we can discover when we reach the end of our days is to find ourselves full of remorse and regret. They say that it's never about the things that we did and feel sorry for, but about all of the things that we wanted to do, but didn't.
We all have things we would like to accomplish in our lives; places we would like to go, people we would like to meet and opportunities that we would like to take advantage of. When something stops us from doing the things we would like to do, or we find ourselves not where we would like to be in our lives, we have to stop and think about what is most important to us NOW.
What we may find, once we actually begin the process of self-exploration, is that even more important than doing or achieving the things we say we want, that it is ultimately much more important for us to focus on becoming the person we want to become.
Authenticity, the ability to be and live in alignment with who we truly are, is and should be the ultimate goal in our lives. After all, what would be the point in reaching the top of the mountain if you had to get there by being something or somebody that you're actually not?
Being able to recognize when we are falling out of alignment with who we want to be, and being willing to challenge ourselves on it and make the necessary adjustments, is the ultimate key to living a happy and successful life.
Without authenticity, our victories will seem hollow and short lived. When we can stand in our truth and take responsibility for our own decisions because they are based on that truth, then the sweetness of success will taste all the much sweeter because we will have the satisfaction of knowing that we didn't compromise our own integrity in order to achieve it.
The only lasting fulfillment we can ever achieve comes through the efforts we put forth in the service of others, and we are only capable of doing or giving to others that which we have already done or given to ourselves.
Our authenticity then, becomes the foundation upon which we can build a life that serves from a place of wholeness and self-worth. When we have filled our own cup to the point of overflowing, only then we can give from a place of abundance rather than scarcity, serve from a place of compassion rather than injury, and contribute from a place of love rather than longing.
To that end, I want to offer you my Top 10 Rules for Discovering Your Authenticity.
Tamara’s Top 10 Rules To Discover Your Authenticity
1. BE HONEST – Not just with others, but with yourself! Stop trying to PRETEND not to see what you KNOW you see. Stop trying to HIDE who you KNOW you are supposed to be being. Stop telling people that everything is OKAY when you KNOW that it isn’t. Stop trying to PRETEND that you like things that you DON’T, just so you can try to impress somebody. Stop telling LIES to people so that you can PROTECT yourself. That’s called being a CHICKEN. Have the gumption to OWN your stuff. If you make a decision that you feel is RIGHT for you, then OWN it for heaven’s sake. That’s called CONVICTION and INTEGRITY. You don’t have to be right all the time, but you have to be WILLING to stand up for yourself. Otherwise, neither you nor anybody else will ever be able to RESPECT you.
2. OWN EVERYTHING ABOUT YOUR LIFE – All of it. The good, the bad and the ugly. Tell yourself the TRUTH about how you got to where you are. Take ownership of what you DID and what you BELIEVED and what you were THINKING. Own up to your MISTAKES, your MISSTEPS and your MISDEMEANORS. Take an honest account of how you contributed to your current situation. ALL OF IT. Take ownership of the fact that you didn’t take OPPORTUNITIES because you were too AFRAID, you didn’t SPEAK UP when you should have because you were too SCARED, and you didn’t do what you should have done because you were not READY for it yet. It’s okay. We are all guilty of it. You just have to be willing to OWN it so you can CHANGE it.
3. STOP PLAYING THE VICTIM – And participating in the BLAME GAME. Nobody cares what has happened to you in the PAST. I’m sorry, but somebody has to say it. IT DOESN’T MATTER ANY MORE! The only thing that playing the VICTIM does is keep you SMALL and POWERLESS. You know you’re not powerless! YOU ARE POWERFUL! You can’t play life like that and think you’re going to get where you want to go. When you decide to own your POTENTIAL and your POWER, that’s when you can start using it to get what you want. Victims don’t have any power – but you sure as hell do. You have to TAKE it.
4. LEARN TO MANAGE YOURSELF – You have to STOP giving in to your MOODS and your EMOTIONS. You can’t afford to WAIT until the right mood hits you before you do something. You have to learn to FOCUS on ACTION to change the way that you FEEL. All you have to do is take that first step. Don’t want to get out of bed in the morning? Make yourself throw off the covers and STEP onto the floor. Don’t feel like starting that project? FORCE yourself to take that FIRST step. That’s all you have to WORRY about. Not the whole thing, the whole day, the whole relationship, the whole year or the whole debt; all you have to worry about is THIS step, THIS minute, THIS issue, THIS payment. That’s it. Forget about waiting until you FEEL like it. Get up and do it now and THEN you will begin to feel DIFFERENTLY.
5. MAKE A FREAKING DECISION ALREADY – Stop sitting around PONDERING all the OUTCOMES and the POSSIBILITIES and the WORRY about whether or not you’re going to do the RIGHT THING. Nobody cares! And it doesn’t MATTER anyway, because if you do do the WRONG thing, then you’re just going to LEARN from that and MOVE on. It will NOT be the END of the world. Just DECIDE! You already know what you want to do. You just have to learn to TRUST that you do.
6. BE WILLING TO DO YOU – Listen, nobody out there is worrying about whether or not YOU like them. They’re just not. So why are YOU worried about that? It isn’t your JOB to worry about whether or not you will be ACCEPTED or UNDERSTOOD or APPRECIATED for who you are. The ONLY person who has to APPROVE of you is YOU. Be YOURSELF. DO the things you like to do, EAT the food you want to eat, GO the places you want to go and HAVE the courage to be YOURSELF. The world already has enough of everyone ELSE. The world needs you to be YOU so that you can bring to the table whatever it is that only YOU can bring.
7. LEAD YOURSELF – Nobody knows what is best for you but YOU. You can’t rely and depend on OTHER people to guide you or point you in the right DIRECTION. You have a MIND and a HEART and your own WISDOM and your own internal COMPASS. You just need to start LISTENING to it and start FOLLOWING it. Stop listening to everybody else and trying to FOLLOW their lead. How could they possibly KNOW what is more RIGHT for you than you do? They CAN’T, and they DON’T. Period. TRUST yourself to make your own choices and be willing to LIVE with those consequences.
8. BE WILLING TO TAKE RISKS – Instead of sitting around being too AFRAID to try something NEW. You can’t achieve your goals or become the person you know you were meant to be if you’re not willing to take some big RISKS. You have to be willing to step OUTSIDE of your comfort zone. You have to be willing to become UNCOMFORTABLE and sacrifice your CERTAINTY to figure out where you BELONG and who you are supposed to be. You have to be willing to TRY things out, to TALK to people, to LEARN something new or LET GO of something that isn’t serving you. BECOMING is a process of trial and error.
9. BE WILLING TO LET GO OF YOUR OLD IDENTITY – So that you can BECOME the person you WANT to be. See the reason why we are all so afraid to move away from who we were is because that old identity was FAMILIAR and you were COMFORTABLE in it. Or at least you THOUGHT it was comfortable. But how comfortable is it REALLY? To be stuck inside of an identity that you no longer IDENTIFY with? It’s absolutely EXHAUSTING and FRUSTRATING as hell, isn’t it? It takes an incredible amount of ENERGY to keep playing that old role that doesn’t even SUIT you anymore. LET IT GO! You can’t become who you want to be while you are HOLDING onto what you no longer ARE. LET. IT. GO.
10. SUPPORT, HONOR and LOVE YOURSELF – Because you can’t count on somebody ELSE to do it for you. You can’t expect anybody to LOVE you more than you love YOURSELF. Be SENSITIVE to your own needs, make sure you practice your SELF-CARE, be KIND to yourself, CELEBRATE your wins and FORGIVE yourself for your losses. You were not born to be PERFECT. You were born to be WHOLE. Make COMMITMENTS to yourself about the things that are important to you. Don’t wait for other people to make things HAPPEN for you in your life. Go out and GET the things that you want, DO the things that you want to do, GO to the places you want to go and MEET the people you want to meet. You have to CREATE the life that you always imagined having, and the only person who knows what that life LOOKS like and FEELS like is YOU. And by the way, the KEY to creating that life that you want is that it is an INSIDE JOB, so it has to be created from the INSIDE OUT.
I hope you find these useful, and I want you to know that I have found a way to serve you from a place of authenticity within me. This work, I now know, is what I have been studying and preparing for my whole life.
Helping others find their own authenticity is what I believe I was put here to do.
What about you?
What's the biggest challenge you are facing in your life right now? How is that impacting you and what would it mean for you if you could overcome it? I can show you how to overcome this and any other kind of challenge quickly and easily. I can teach you how to solve complex problems with simple solutions, so you can get the results you want while saving you time, money and pain. Would that be something you would be interested in?
Contact me to find out how you can receive a one hour Complimentary Coaching Consultation Session. This free session can help you get clear about what has been holding you back, and give you the opportunity to create a powerful strategic action plan to help you achieve your goals! Click on the link below to schedule your free Consultation Session today!
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About the author
Tamara Dodgson is a Certified Strategic Intervention Coach and owner with Forward Coaching and Consulting Services. Utilizing the most powerful principles and strategies from master Strategic Interventionists, Tamara offers a sound, knowledgeable and dependable methodology for change. She has successfully helped her clients navigate through hundreds of unique and challenging life situations, often involving complex issues such as addictions, divorce, and criminal proceedings. Tamara empowers her clients by helping them identify what they want, teaching them successful and proven strategies for change and providing them with measurable and lasting results. You can connect with her on Facebook at Forward Coaching & Consulting Services, on LinkedIn at Tamara Dodgson, on her website at www.tamaradodgson.com, or via email at coaching@tamaradodgson.com.
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