As I lay nightly in my massive, queen size bed alone, tossing and turning and worrying about all the aspects of my life that seem so currently out of control, I begin to wonder; why does this torture always seem to happen at night?
Is it because the universe is trying to tell me something? Is it because my sub conscious mind is screaming at me to get my attention, because my conscious mind has finally settled down and gotten quiet? And if it is the universe or my sub conscious mind trying to tell me something, what the heck could it actually be trying to say?
There's no doubt about it that stress has taken a major toll on our lives. The Covid-19 Pandemic has left us all with a new level of uncertainty that most of us are extremely uncomfortable with, and that uncertainty has us questioning our lives in many ways that we haven't before.
Although I am someone who is accustomed to seeking safety and stability, I've always felt confident that I had everything under control. Even during the times in my past where I've had to face job loss or the breakdown of a relationship, I somehow knew that the ballast of my ship was still balanced, and my centre of gravity still felt like it was squarely in place. That was, at least, the case, up until February of this year.
Mental Health issues not only have the power to knock us off our feet, but they can also drastically alter our perception of ourselves and the world. Sadly and oddly enough, however, even though it is so critical to our overall sense of wellbeing, it usually takes something incredibly profound to wake us up and make us start paying attention to how we are really feeling.
I don't think I ever questioned whether or not I was going to be okay before. I knew I was strong, fiercely independent, determined to survive and totally capable of managing whatever life wanted to throw my way. That confidence helped me to navigate some of the most challenging times in my life, and I've always been grateful to have it to rely on when times got tough. But coming face to face with a Mental Health challenge that literally took me off my feet was something I never expected to happen. Not after all I had been through; not after all I had endured. Instead of feeling the typical "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" vibe, burnout left me feeling weaker and less determined than ever before.
One particularly awful night, when the dark forces were doing their best to overtake me, and I felt like my body and mind were teetering on the brink of collapse, and I found myself shivering in a pool of sweat and gritting my teeth against the pain that was searing through me, and as tears streamed down the sides of my head into my hair, I had to ask myself, "Am I going to be okay?"
The reality, I came to realize, is that Mental Health is something that will take control of you if you don't take control of it first. We all like to think that we are resilient, and we all like to think that we are immune. But Mental Health doesn't discriminate. If it happened to me, it can happen to you too.
The brain is the most complex organ in the human body, and if you subject it to enough stress or trauma on a consistent basis for a long enough period of time, it will, just like any other organ in your body, begin to fail.
The good news is that there are many, many things we can do to either prevent or treat Mental Illness (at least as it pertains to burnout), hopefully before it becomes too big of a problem. Recognizing and acknowledging when you are beginning to feel unwell is one of the most critical things you can do. Making the decision to do something about it is the second.
Speaking from experience, I can honestly say, that while it may seem scary to admit that there might be a problem, it isn't nearly as scary as dealing with a full blown Mental Illness. In fact, ignoring that you may need help is kind of like a professional hockey player saying, "It's okay, I can take as many concussions as I got coming." The truth of the matter is, your luck is eventually going to run out.
So in addition to recognizing and acknowledging the fact that you have begun to feel unwell, here is a list of things you can do to help prevent and/or treat Mental Illness, (taken from my own experience up to now):
Take time off if necessary. While this may not be the most preferable or popular decision, it may be fundamentally crucial to your sense of well being. Use up any vacation time, sick time or any form of leave you have available to you, and use that time to do the things you need to do in order to properly recover.
Get used to saying an unequivocal "NO" to any added stress. This may mean cutting ties with certain people, removing yourself from toxic situations or relationships, reducing the amount of extra curricular activities you may be involved with and/or prioritizing your daily responsibilities in order to make yourself more available to you. The people in your life may find this difficult to adjust to at first, but the ones who love you most will thank you for it in the end.
Learn how to listen to your body as it tells you what it is that you need. This may come in the form of sleep, hydration, exercise, nutrition, rest, distraction, emotional work, spiritual practise, self expression or a change of environment. Our bodies are constantly trying to communicate with us, but we have to be willing to listen and pay attention if we really want to hear what they're trying to say. Psycho-somatic symptoms, by the way, are very, very real.
Learn how to listen to your own intuition. Everyone has an inner voice that tells them whether or not they are on the right path. If you know that your "gut" has been telling you for a long time that you are not doing something you are meant to do, or if it has been telling you that you should not be doing something that you currently are, this is the time to listen to that voice. Finding yourself out of alignment may be completely normal, but allowing yourself to stay that way is nothing but a recipe for disaster.
Reach out and get the help you need. Contact your family doctor, ask for a referral, check out your EAP Program, be open to different forms of treatment and take the lead role in your own recovery process. You may even want to self-refer to your own local Mental Health Authority or utilize some of the free resources that are available on the web. Whatever you choose to do, become your own advocate for getting the help that you need.
Give yourself the gift of time and space to facilitate your complete recovery. Trust me when I say that everyone and everything will manage what they must while you are away. After all, a temporary and voluntary respite is an awful lot better scenario than a permanent and catastrophic alternative. Wouldn't you agree?
Here is a list of some of the links to available resources in Newfoundland and Labrador:
Bridge the Gapp: https://nl.bridgethegapp.ca/
Canadian Mental Health Association: http://cmhanl.ca/
Mental Health and Addictions NL: https://www.gov.nl.ca/hcs/mentalhealth-committee/mentalhealth/
NL Healthline: https://www.811healthline.ca/mental-health/
NL Helplines: https://www.gov.nl.ca/hcs/findhealthservices/helplines/
CHANNAL Peer Support Warm Line: 1-855-753-2560