Almost everyone has had negative experiences in their past. Life can be full of uncertainty, challenge, disappointment and pain. The whole point of the human experience is to navigate those times of darkness, so we can learn, grow and evolve into the people we are truly meant to be.
Pain makes us stronger, challenge makes us more determined, uncertainty makes us more flexible and disappointment makes us wiser. Each obstacle or setback we face, brings with it an equal or even greater opportunity to change. We can shrink in fear or we can rise to the occasion. The choice is always ours.
Sometimes, though, those difficult experiences can leave us with more than lessons and growth. Sometimes, they can leave us with lasting undesirable effects. Sometimes, we can be left with an imprint on our subconscious, or a false negative association.
Let me explain.
Let's say, for instance, that a young child experiences their parents arguing and fighting all the time. The child witnesses the animosity and resentment between the parents. They bear witness to the anguish and pain of each parent, because they each feel totally alienated and misunderstood. Eventually, the parents end up getting divorced, and a whole new level of pain ensues.
That child's experience with romantic love and relationship could become completely marred by their parent's relationship. Even if the parent's relationship had started out well, if the child only got to witness the painful part of it, then that child can develop a very limited and negative perspective.
To the child, even once they've grown into adulthood, romantic love and relationship becomes associated with pain. The child has developed a false negative association. Based upon their past experience, the idea that love and relationship equates to pain has become true for them.
As simplistic and illogical as it may sound, this actually happens to people all the time. Most people aren't even aware that they hold these false negative associations! They go through life confused and bewildered about why they have so much trouble developing and maintaining a healthy, loving relationship. Logically, they may know that they want to be close to someone, but subconsciously, they will do everything in their power to prevent it.
Let me give you another example; this time about a false negative association with money.
Let's say, that growing up, your parents had a tendency to fight about money. Money was always at the forefront of dramatic and tension filled family disputes. They fought about how the money was being spent, the fact that there was never enough of it to go around, or they fought about how one of them hoarded it or told lies about how it was being managed.
Money, in this instance, would have probably become an incredible source of pain in your life. Even though, as you got older, you could see how money could be of great service to you, subconsciously you have developed a false negative association with it.
As an adult, no matter how much you earn or how well you try to manage it, money just seems to be at the centre of all your troubles. The reason why is that deep down, the subject of money for you equals pain. Intellectually, you know it isn't logical, so you keep struggling to overcome it and make everything work. Subconsciously, however, you will continually find ways to sabotage every effort you make.
This kind of false negative association can create huge amounts of stress and anxiety for good people who honestly feel like they are doing everything they can to try to earn a living and provide for themselves and their family. Financial troubles can ruin people's lives, destroy marriages and force people into homelessness and despair. But it doesn't have to be that way.
Awareness is the key to ending false negative associations. When we can take an honest account of the beliefs that we hold and determine where they came from and how they came to be, we can gain a much greater understanding of ourselves and our experiences. Greater understanding gives us knowledge and that knowledge gives us more power.
Take a moment or two to think about something that has been holding you back or causing you grief in your life. Could it be that you have developed a false negative association around that subject? How has that belief impacted you in your life and relationships? Is this something that you could eradicate by understanding where it came from and how you came to believe it in the first place?
When it comes to our relationships, whether it has to do with our relationship with ourselves, our partners, our families or with something else such as money, time, energy or attention, it would be wise of us to remember that everything is not always as it seems on the surface.
We have an incredible amount of power and ability to change the way we experience life. As long as we have the courage and the willingness to confront things and deal with them, then there is nothing that can stop us from having the life and the lifestyle we claim that we want.
Your past does not have to determine your present or your future. The only power the past can hold is the power you choose to give it. Identifying and acknowledging your false negative associations can give you the power to change something that has been wreaking havoc in your life and relationships. Why not do yourself a favour and examine them?
Don't allow your past to continue to impact your present. Free yourself from the pain of false negative associations!
What's the biggest challenge you are facing in your life right now? How is that impacting you and what would it mean for you if you could overcome it? I can show you how to overcome this and any other kind of challenge quickly and easily. I can teach you how to solve complex problems with simple solutions, so you can get the results you want while saving you time, money and pain. Would that be something you would be interested in?
Contact me to find out how you can receive a one hour Complimentary Coaching Consultation Session. This free session can help you get clear about what has been holding you back, and give you the opportunity to create a powerful strategic action plan to help you achieve your goals! Click on the link below to schedule your free Consultation Session today!
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About the author
Tamara Dodgson is a Certified Strategic Intervention Coach and owner with Forward Coaching and Consulting Services. Utilizing the most powerful principles and strategies from master Strategic Interventionists, Tamara offers a sound, knowledgeable and dependable methodology for change. She has successfully helped her clients navigate through hundreds of unique and challenging life situations, often involving complex issues such as addictions, divorce, and criminal proceedings. Tamara empowers her clients by helping them identify what they want, teaching them successful and proven strategies for change and providing them with measurable and lasting results. You can connect with her on Facebook at Forward Coaching & Consulting Services, on LinkedIn at Tamara Dodgson, on her website at www.tamaradodgson.com, or via email at coaching@tamaradodgson.com.
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